App Store at 10: five of the worst iOS apps ever

App Store at 10: five of the worst iOS apps ever

Not every app that has graced iOS over the years has been a game-changer like Hipstamatic or a GarageBand – there have been plenty of stinkers as well. If you want a sample of the App Store’s nadir over the past decade, feast your eyes on these five disasters. And then run away – very, very quickly.

1. I Am Rich

Released on 5 August 2008 and yanked from the App Store 24 hours later once Apple realised what had been unleashed, I Am Rich cost a penny shy of a grand. For that you got a glowing gem and a mantra. It was pointless, and apparently six people fell for its charms. If you’re wondering what all the fuss was about, I Am Rich LE lives on for ‘only’ ten quid, and adds a calculator, for some reason. That said, Stuff suggests “I’ve spent ten quid on a rubbish app” is less of a status symbol than “I’ve got a grand to burn”, albeit arguably similarly stupid.

2. iBeer

Even early iPhones had accelerometers, so they knew which way up they were. Cue: apps like iBeer, which – according to its creators – is a “hilarious visual trick [that] behaves like a real glass of beer”. Stuff would take exception to the ‘hilarious’ claim, and the ‘real glass of beer’ bit, too, unless you think a low-quality pixelated image of beer sloshing about on your iPhone is a proper pint. In which case, think about checking out a different local – or learning what beer is.

3. iFreshener

To give iBeer its due, at least there was some care taken to get all the app’s accelerometer shenanigans and visuals working. Nothing like that was the case for the mercifully long-departed iFreshener. Designed as an “escape from the virtual smell” of the slew of fart apps that afflicted the App Store’s early days, this one – prepare to hold your sides in mirth overload – gave you a badly drawn can of air freshener. It hissed a bit when pressed – much like anyone with taste would do on seeing someone had downloaded this rubbish.

4. I Am Important

I Am Important, which probably no longer actually works, so don’t bother downloading it, aimed to make you feel important by filling your iPhone with fake contacts and events. “Oh my!” it would exclaim, “You know 403 people,” thereby helpfully highlighting you’d used the app precisely 402 times too many. If you just couldn’t contain all the excitement within your own iPhone, you could spew this rubbish all over Facebook; because if there’s one thing we know impresses friends, it’s telling them about “top-flying shakers” you made up while having had a few too many iBeers.

5. Virtual Mouth Videos

Our final choice may in future history books be cited as an example of a tipping point – when humanity finally lost its collective mind. The app suggested that when your boss gave you a juicy project to work on, you could select the ‘Tasty’ mouth video and put your iPhone in front of your face to “express yourself visually”. And so on. The app creator added there was a vibration alert to indicate the end of each video so people “won’t laugh at you when the video” ends. Yeah, too late. Way, way too late.