The Honda X-ADV is your post-apocalyptic commuter scoot

You know that there is no such thing as ‘post-apocalyptic’, don’t you?

What? You mean, optimistically? Society cannot be crushed, the human spirit will endure throughout all and any adversity?

No, I mean grammatically. ‘Apocalypse’ is the end of everything; there can be nothing after it. Certainly not riding around on a scooter.

To which we reply: you haven’t tried this scooter. Have you seen its tyres? Tangled rebar and radioactive pools pose this rip-snorter no problem!

Sigh. I see L-plates are not required in your figurative post-apocalypse, either.

That, we think, is less to do with DVLA legislators succumbing to a flash-eating bioweapon and more to do with the Honda X-ADV being a not-for-learners super-scoot. It has a torquey 750cc engine coupled to Honda’s handy DCT dual-clutch automatic transmission.

Zombies gaining on you? Flip it into Sport mode and change gear yourself, using the handlebar buttons. Braaap. Should a hasty direction change be required, standard ABS braking should bring you under control on even the most guts-strewn surface.

So, is this basically just a big scooter with off-road tyres on it?

You are not going to survive the end of days with that attitude, Buster…

None of us will survive the end of days, that’s why it’s called the end of…

Shh, now. Time is short. Yes, the X-ADV started out as a motor show concept that most folk thought would either (a) crumble into dust or (b) wind up as a slightly ruggedised scooter. But, buoyed by the success of the rebooted Africa Twin adventure motorbike, Honda will actually sell you one of these in 2017.

It has bigger wheels and longer, adjustable suspension and can even be delivered in a rather fetching Africa Twin white, red and blue colour. The price hasn’t been announced, but that won’t matter – the banks will be the first to collapse after the apocalypse, so you’ll just have to barter for the gasoline to run it.

About

Fraser used to wear a Psion Series 3 palmtop in a shoulder holster. Perhaps he still does.Either way, his lifelong mission - including fourteen years for Stuff - has been to see whether the consumer electronics industry can ever replicate that kind of cyborgian joy.So far: nope. Despite a plan to combine a action camera and Olympus Eye-Trek goggles to become Man Who Sees The Vision Of A Man Three Inches Taller Than Himself.He also likes mountain bikes, motorbikes, cars, helicopters. Still thinks virtual surround is witchcraft. Dislikes jetskis, despite never having been on one.